I am a worrier by nature. I can't help it. I have tons of gray hair,
and it's because even when there is nothing to worry about, I go digging
to find something to worry about. I guess that's what some mothers do. I
had a 3 -1/2 year long adoption pregnancy, and I was doing the worry
thing just as I did during my pregnancy with Brother J. I remember
sitting with my big belly on the bathroom floor and reading the book
"What to Expect When You are Expecting", at 3 am, because I worried that I had eaten too
much of Mackrel fish which was high in mercury. I worried that I did not provided my child with enough Folic acid, because I did not start taking my prenatal vitamins early enough. I think I even called the
poison control center to check on a few things that the book did not
answer. Needless to say, I went through the same phase during the
adoption process as well but in a different way. It must have been my rite of passage to parenthood both times.
As my mind and heart found great peace over what the three specialists had shared with me, I turned my attention (a.k.a worry) to another aspect- speech delay. I knew from some of the information that I had received, that she was delayed in her speech and in the grand scheme of things, it was just a minor thing. I was well aware that sometimes there is a 12-18 months of delay in many institutionalized children, and that they catch up very quickly once home with their families. I had also read up that speech delay is one of the common complications in children with her medical history. So now with the medical history not on my mind anymore, I loaded on the speech delay onto my mind... sigh. It was the researcher in me that wanted to know EVERYTHING. Unfortunately with adoption, very little information is available. Regardless of the amount of information I was given, I know that I would have worried. In hind sight I wonder, Why did I worry?! I know that it was me of little faith, for I have been told that "Worry Ends Where Faith Begins". I believe that I was shown this in no uncertain terms, and that too it all began in the church!!! That testimony will follow in the next post.
As my mind and heart found great peace over what the three specialists had shared with me, I turned my attention (a.k.a worry) to another aspect- speech delay. I knew from some of the information that I had received, that she was delayed in her speech and in the grand scheme of things, it was just a minor thing. I was well aware that sometimes there is a 12-18 months of delay in many institutionalized children, and that they catch up very quickly once home with their families. I had also read up that speech delay is one of the common complications in children with her medical history. So now with the medical history not on my mind anymore, I loaded on the speech delay onto my mind... sigh. It was the researcher in me that wanted to know EVERYTHING. Unfortunately with adoption, very little information is available. Regardless of the amount of information I was given, I know that I would have worried. In hind sight I wonder, Why did I worry?! I know that it was me of little faith, for I have been told that "Worry Ends Where Faith Begins". I believe that I was shown this in no uncertain terms, and that too it all began in the church!!! That testimony will follow in the next post.
I remember reading that pregnancy book so many times over when I was pregnant with Caleb. And I would stay up all night reading people's birth stories....I was just like you.
ReplyDeleteSo very true. I was really a mess during both my bio pregnancy and my paper pregnancy. The last 6-7 months of post referral wait was excruciating. I thought the wait to referral was hard... HA! I remember calling Nikki frantically about something that popped into my head over a something on the milestone report. Oh, she was a lifesaver. When they did not send me updates, I was worried why there was nothing coming my way. Then when they eventually sent an update, I worried about her and the delays in her milestones. Argh, I worried myself so sick. I also think that it was part of me becoming her mother, and she my daughter.
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